Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This baby is an asshole
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?