cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?