I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...