I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.