i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
