If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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