I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
