It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm too high and old for this...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
