i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
