Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
