but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
