He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
