my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I will pee on everything he values.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
