Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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