she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
