Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
