Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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