Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
