I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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