Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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