I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
