Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
