he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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