I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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