he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
