Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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