Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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