You're completely useless in the revolution.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it hurts more in the daytime
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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