Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
