Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
