Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
