Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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