and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
two words...techno handjob
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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