Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Jerry, you need to find god
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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