I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
