Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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