question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
