We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
