Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
