just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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