So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
