my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
