smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
