sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
