So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
