saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
