I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
