I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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