so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
