If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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