Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
