I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
