You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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