a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
