I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
