His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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