I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
MIDGETS
????
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
