u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
