i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
