i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
