There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
