woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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